midas_score

Just when I thought I had the whole Yunalesca sitch under control, she goes and starts being all weird again.  Now she's stopped being so damn racist, and just watches me.  All the bloody time.  Watching from the other side of the room, following me on lunch breaks while 'disguising' herself with a hilariously huge pair of sunglasses, and I heard she's even been going to the Arena every hour just to ask if they knew what weapons and armour I'd chosen for the fight.  Like they'd tell her anyway.  But things got REALLY goddamn weird when I went to the John earlier to drop the kids off, and I lifted the seat up and saw one of those monitoring spheres in there!  I mean shi--t, really?  She must've stole it too, it had 'Pluto Security #6' on it, so I guess she just took one of the ones they use to protect the mall.  Some poor guy at Pluto Security probably just got a closeup view of my hairy balls and ass before I spotted it.

This just weird man.

Man, when that skinny ass Yunawhatsit first started working here I was pi**ed.  I already was having a crap time of it with the smoothie arm business, an' having some racist make remarks over my shoulder the whole damn time was just a whole lotta extra crap I really didn't need to deal with.  But then I realised sumthin'.  She ain't your ordinary run-of-the-mill ignorant white chick.  She's totally retarded and insane!  She is so off the wall that I don't even care what she says no more, I just find it goddamn funny!  Still don't want little Marlene to meet her or nuthin', might catch sumthin', but she's made work SO much more interesting!  She's so damn easy to wind up!  Earlier she was saying how I should go back to Blackland and stop infecting her species, so I just said it ain't a disease and winked at her.  Oh man did she go nuts!  She was saying all about rape, and tried to report me to fatman Palmer for harassment, to which he just gave a big wheezy laugh and told he to go make him a lard sandwich. It's real goddamn funny!  And as much as I hate Shin-Ra for trying to kill the planet, I don't have much beef with Palmer.  That lump of lard didn't really do much except drink tea and get hit by a truck.

I'd feel sorry for her if she wasn't so damn racist, she's dumb as hell and such an easy target.  I wish she would listen when I say Marlene ain't mine though, I keep explaining it and it just keeps going through one ear and out the other.  Then again, she does spend most of her time plugging her ears when I'm talking, saying she don't speak 'gollywoggledygook'.  I swear she's just making words up now, 'cause I ain't heard nuthin' like that before, and I've taken plenty of racial abuse at the hands of Shin-Ra in my time.

Aw man, this sure is shi- uh... bad, man.  This Junon Juice place is doin' all sorts of harm to my street cred.  It ain't that I got anything against working retail, it's good honest graft, but when they force me to shove a blender attachment onto my right arm and 'make smoothies', it really makes me rethink my self worth, know what I'm sayin'?  If it weren't for little Marlene I'd ditch this joint, but ain't nothing's gonna shift my priorities.  Being a man's all about seeing the bad times through for what he believes in.  Any man who don't, is a coward.

Oh hell no, some dude's ordered a banana smoothie.  I HATE making banana smoothies.  Makes a hell of a mess and I find bits of yellow smush in the bits of my arm all day.  I gotta clean it up too, or my gun might jam when I reattach it or sumthin'.

I could really do with a little action.  For a world of chaos, it sure is dull round here.

Aw man, I got rejected from the Promised Land store, for not being magical enough.  I ain't no ancient, but I ain't THAT bad at it.  Shame, it had a great name too, although the little guy running the place looked pretty damn weird, and I've seen plenty of weird in my time.  Just take a trip down Wall Market's red light district on a saturday night and you'll get a lifetime o' weird right there.

The rejection ain't so bad though, 'cause there's plenty o' jobs to be found at the new mall.  I guess this world ain't so bad after all, huh?  Sure beats the usual poverty and unemployment I'm used to seeing.  I've applied for a job at Junon Juice.  They seemed to think I'd be good to work there, which sure is nice.  It's kinda hard to get work when you've got a gun for an arm.  Plenty of attachments I can make for it though, I can be like Inspector Gadget with this thing!  That's some show Marlene used to watch.

Speaking of Marlene, she turned up in the desert eventually, which is just brilliant.  We set up a home together in Nirvana.  I woulda preferred to raise my little girl in somewhere real quiet and nice like Prosperity, but they took offence to my gun arm, calling it unholy tech or somethin'.  I sure ain't no holy man, but it's a damn shame, I care about the environment more than most.  So Nirvana it is.  The place gives me the willies, but at least it's safe.

Awright, I'm here!  I made it past the broken tower and found the portal in the town down the other side.  The town looked like it hadn't been used in ages, but I wasn't about to go sightsee.  I was there for the portal, and anyone who knows me knows that I ain't deterred by nothing once I got a plan in my head.  The portal was at the end of some pier, and I just jumped in the thing without looking back.  Leap of faith.

The portal took me to a big ol' desert with some big golden shiny tower of hope in the middle.  Well it wasn't actually golden, but you know what I mean, metaphors an' all that.  At the base of the tower it looked like there was some hustle and bustle of people, so I figured I'd head that way, what with mountains bein' in all other directions.  I ain't scared of no mountain, but I ain't such a fool that I'd try and do it without water in this heat.  I made it to the tower and found a place to rest and some fresh water, so if anyone reads this, it's safe to come here.  

Also, if anyone's seen Marlene and reads this, tell me right away!  I don't care where she is, I'll run in to whatever world she's in and get her.  I ain't purchasing no bus ticket without her.  Even a rumour'll do fine for me.  Just gimme a heads up, somebody!

Awright, seems I can finally find me a way outta this hole.  A big portal's opened at a place called Oerba, and it ain't too far from where I am.  I ran through some tunnels with some big rolling things carving them out nice and good, and after a lot of exploring and some real near misses, I made it out the other side.  I tell ya, those robots were a real pain in the neck.  Even the small ones were mean little critters, I thought I was getting nowhere until I filled 'em with enough lead to stop a meteor when they started slowing down and showing me a nice juicy core to blast a few holes in.  

All I gotta do now is cross that really big tower and I'm home free.  Marlene, if you're reading these, sorry 'bout the swearin' in the last post.  Exten... exter...extena... crazy-ass circumstances an' all that.

'fore I say anything, I wanna let you guys all know that I've turned over a new leaf.  I'm not gonna swear no more, and I'm tryin' to speak more proper, know what I'm sayin'?  It's hard, but it's for Marlene's sake.  I wanna give her a proper upbringing, so she'll be a proper lady when she grows up.  I owe it to her and to Dyne.  So if anyone catches me swearin' or anything just tell me, awright?  I'm not as mean and scary as I look, so for those who don't know me, so don't you be scared to tell me.  Unless you're vermin who really piss-uh... makes me angry by harmin' the planet or somethin'.   

Well, I got no idea where I am, but it's not too bad.  It's some big open field, I mean really big.  Savage monsters everywhere, and there's some REAL big buggers that could turn me into a bloody pancake if it stepped on me.  And I weren't swearing there, I meant bloody as in a pancake with blood on it, you know what I'm sayin'?  It's nice and natural here though, the planet seems healthy and almost untouched by man, just nature being nature.  Tell you what, I'm glad I got my gun arm on me, I'd be totally fu-uh... in a whole lotta trouble if I was unarmed.  Most of the things round here are pretty big and mean.

If anyone knows where I am it'd be great, 'cause I sure as hell don't have a clue where this is.  Also, if anyone's seen Marlene, I'd owe you big time if you could tell me where she is and how she's doing.  She's a real cute little thing, 7 years old, usually wears a white outfit.  She's the girl I'm with in the picture above.  I'm so worried about her, I can't let anythin' happen to her or I'd be failin' her as her guardian.

Right now I'm tryin' to find a safe spot to hold up.  There's a massive fallen tower several miles in the distance, but I don't think I'll be able to make it there in a day.  Guess I'll have to find somewhere more nearOH MY FUCKING GOD THATS FUCKING HUGE!!  I'M IN DEEP SHIT, DEEP FUCKING SHIT! IT'S BIGGER THAN A FUCKING MOUNTAIN I GOTTA FIND A CAVE I GOTTA FIND A CAVE RIGHT NOW!